


This Time Around

by rickbisexualgrimes



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Past, Regan Week 2018, reunited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-06-28 14:50:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15709434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rickbisexualgrimes/pseuds/rickbisexualgrimes
Summary: For months Carl had been telling Rick about the new asshole gym teacher but what Rick didn't expect was Negan,an old flame, being that person.





	This Time Around

**Author's Note:**

> day 3 - Past 
> 
>  
> 
> hopefully this doesn't suck since it turned out a bit different than i actually intended for it to. i always try my best not to write the type of fics that seem exciting only to plummet. so please enjoy & leave comments.

With absolute determination Rick strolled through Carl's school hallway, with his now injured son trailing behind him to stop him. He remembered what it was like to be embarrassed by a parent. While his mom was never neglectful or abusive, she was overbearing and overly invested in his life. Not even in a way that was endearing for him or anyone.

 

  
"Dad, please don't talk to my gym teacher! It'll be embarrassing for me to have my dad come deal with this." Carl tried to get Rick to stop from doing this but Rick had already made up his mind.

 

  
Rick shook his head at his son who just glared at him. "This guy is gettin' on my last nerve and since you won't tell me his name and insist on callin' him "the asshole" I gotta do this."

 

  
They made their way through the school to go have a chat with this gym teacher, who caused Carl to break his arm. Of course this guy didn't do it on purpose but something went wrong during gym. And plus Carl had fragile bones, always did when he was a child. Now his son had a broken arm and it was because this guy couldn't do his damn job properly. It wasn't like any of these kids, aside from a few, would ever aspire to be serious athletes. So why push them so goddamn hard?

 

  
He asked Carl where his teacher would be and he told him in his office. Carl then retreated back to the car since he was supposed to be in there while Rick dealt with this anyways.

 

  
Angrily he stomped towards this idiot's office to give him a piece of his fucking mind. This man had no right to be pushing these kids like this was anything other public school gym class. The door wasn't locked so he opened it and saw the gym teacher. The man was turned around and facing the wall and there was an obscene noise coming from him. It sounded like he was jerking off which only made Rick angrier.

 

  
How did this guy not even hear him come in?

 

  
"Hello? What the hell are you doin' in here? What type of teacher are you anyways? My son has a broken arm 'cause of you and you're in here jerkin' off like some creep?" Rick felt his blood boiling. "Are you even listenin'?"

 

  
Loudly he slapped his hand on the pathetically small desk this man was seated at. Somehow Rick didn't notice the man was wearing earphones so that's why he didn't hear him. The noise startled the man and the earphones were pulled out, he could hear porn coming through them. After a second the noises stopped. Once the guy turned around he felt his throat close up because he was face to face with Negan.

 

  
"Oh my fucking god. As I live and goddamn breathe, Rick Grimes? Is that you?" Negan flicked his tongue between his teeth. "Goddamn it's been..well it's been years since I've seen you. Of course you look older but you aged well."

 

  
Rick squinted his eyes because this couldn't be right. " Negan ? You're the one who has been makin' Carl miserable for the past three months?"

 

  
"Unfortunately, yeah. And I'm real fucking sorry that he broke his arm, shit got outta control and just..it was fucked."

 

  
Staring at the man who broke his heart all those years ago was startling for Rick. At the time he was young and dealing with the aftermath of getting Lori pregnant. They only slept together because Shane pressured them to. Neither of them had serious interest in each other. Of course Shane had only pressured them so people would stop thinking he and Rick were fucking. That was another thing Rick hated to think about. 

 

Now he was having to look at all the biggest reminder of the more complicated time of his life. Rick wanted to tuck tail and run out of the office without saying another word. Instead of doing that he reminded himself he was there for Carl. Not to discuss their past or anything to do with what they had formerly.

  
 

_This is going to be more difficult than I thought._

 

* * *

 

 

  
_"Dammit Lori. I don't know what else you want me to say." Rick pinched the bridge of his nose and had a hand on his hip. "I didn't plan for this. We were both drunk and I know I shoulda -"_

 

  
_Lori let out a not so amused laugh, "You shoulda what? Pulled out in time?"_

 

  
_"I didn't really wanna do it in the first place. Thought maybe it'd help to just forget 'bout other shit but if you're keepin' it then I'll be the best dad I can be."_

 

  
_"You? This wasn't exactly what my mama expected of me. She always told me I'd probably end up like my sister and I guess she was right."_

 

  
_"We'll figure it out, we will."_

 

  
_Some silence passed between them as they sat in Rick's apartment, the one he was barely getting by in, and it was painfully awkward. He didn't find Lori to be a shit person or anything. But what he knew for certain was that he didn't have feelings for her like that. In a cookie cutter world they would be perfect for each other and people expected them to be a couple. The only issue with that scenario is that Lori sure as hell didn't want that either._

 

  
_Just when he was going to tell her that he would be there, that he wouldn't let her tell her mother alone, she asked him a question he dreaded._

 

  
_"Are you gay, Rick?" Lori's voice didn't hold any disgust or malice. In fact she sounded more curious than anything which didn't put Rick off as much. When other people mentioned it they laughed, joked around about how he was a weak little bitch._

 

  
_"Why do you ask that?" Rick went to pour a glass of bourbon for himself and a glass of water for Lori._

 

  
_He took his time walking over to her so he could hold off on answering._

 

  
_Then she asked him again when he sat down next to her, handing her the glass of water and taking a sip of his drink. Rick gave her the run around but didn't say yes or no because what if she was going to judge him?_

 

  
_"I don't care if you like men and women or just men. Doesn't matter to me but I wanted to see what you'd say, if you'd trust me enough to tell me." Lori's soft face was staring at him, carefully watching his movements._

 

  
_"I'm attracted to both."_

 

  
_"Sometimes I think I am too but I don't think I'll much time to think 'bout it for the next nine months."_

 

  
_That got a laugh out of both of them before they went back to sitting in silence again._

* * *

 

  
_Sitting in the bar often times was boring as shit, what else was there to do in Rick's small town? The worst possible song came on over the bar's speaker system, it was "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and Rick was ready to leave._

 

  
_A month into Lori's pregnancy was already stressful, mainly because of his mother hounding him. She was confused as to why he wasn't in a relationship with Lori. Even though he'd explained more than once that it wasn't going to work out._

 

  
_Rick got the sleazy bartender to pour him another drink. "Could I get another?"_

 

  
_"Another one of what?" The bartender with the pornstache asked him. "Gotta be more specific."_

 

  
_"Another shot of whiskey..double shot please."_

 

  
_"Coming right up!"_

 

  
_This guy was very much new, looked a lot older than Rick probably by five or more years. His drink was set in front of him and the bartender winked at him like he was fresh meat. Rick didn't pay him any mind then continued to sip away at his drink. Everyone that was still in the bar were the town drunks and some other locals. It was such a pathetic atmosphere that Rick didn't feel comfortable._

 

  
_He downed the rest of his drink then went to get off the bar stool, only to bump into someone. Whoever it was smelled like cigarettes, pine needles and something else Rick couldn't place. Rick moved away from the leather jacket wearing man. Then he caught a good look at him, everything went still as he gazed upon this almost painfully beautiful man. He had amber colored eyes, dark slicked back hair and facial hair. Something seemed so alluring about him that Rick forgot he was staring._

 

  
_From the looks of it the man didn't seem put off by his staring whatsoever. In fact he was smiling at him in that cocky way that made Rick roll his eyes instantly. Finding out this man's name was something he had to do._

 

  
_"Hey." Rick looked down shyly so the man couldn't see him blushing._

 

  
_"Hey there, gorgeous. What might your name be? And what is someone like you doing in this dive?"_

 

  
_"It's one of the cheapest places in town. My name's Rick by the way."_

 

  
_"Mine's Negan." Negan smiled partially, flashing his teeth in probably the most charming way Rick has ever seen._

 

  
_"That's an interestin' name, don't think I've ever met someone named Negan." Rick felt himself smiling way too damn much but he couldn't stop. "I guess you're the first."_

 

  
_That comment seemed to make Negan lick his lips earnestly and Rick's eyes went wide._

 

  
_"Th-the first person I've ever met with that name I mean. Not the first..well you know.."_

 

  
_"Darling it's okay. I find you to be quite interestin' myself, you see I'm new to town and I thought I'd be surrounded by conservative rednecks the whole time. Turns out..wait you're not that are you?"_

 

  
_Rick genuinely laughed at Negan's comment. "No. I'm definitely not that."_

 

  
_"You looked like you were heading out and it's a shame I was gonna ask you to have a drink with me." Negan sounded a bit hopeful, even pouted a tiny bit. "I guess I'll see you around."_

 

  
_"Wait Negan, I was gonna leave but I guess I could stay for one more drink." Rick didn't know what the hell he was doing right now. Everyone would probably ask him where Rick Grimes went. Since this was far from his regular behavior. Lori did keep encouraging him to try to be more spontaneous. Obviously less in the sleeping with women you're not interested in and getting them pregnant spontaneous._

 

  
_This seemed like the right move and maybe Negan would become someone he'd remember._

 

* * *

 

 

"I gotta say I never expected to see you again. At least not under these circumstances and definitely not as Carl's gym teacher." Rick set his hand on his hips out of habit. He refused to let Negan cause him anymore grief. The man already did enough when they were..whatever they were before. Now he was way older, wiser and had been raising a child.

 

  
Negan flashed him that award winning smile, only it was more mature and defined. "Miss me?"

 

  
"You don't get to ask me questions like that. Not after what you did to me and definitely not after how much of an asshole you were. It's been years so I doubt you've thought of me at all anyways. Who was it that you cheated on me with? You married to her now?"

 

  
"Lucille and actually we had a thing on and off for a long fucking time. She died last year though, from cancer. Also I have thought of you, a lot more than you could possibly imagine and I'm fucking sorry. We're older now so I get that it might not be worth shit anymore."

 

  
Hearing about Lucille dying made him think of how Lori died. It had been during the birth of Carl's sister, Judith, who Lori ended up having with Shane. Their relationship didn't last long which sent Shane over the edge. So Rick was having to deal with that, the death of Carl's mother, the prospect of having to raise another child but this time with Shane. And now he was finding out the gym teacher Carl hated was his ex.

 

  
Instead of re hashing the past, Rick spoke on the issues he was having with what Carl was telling him. He asked Negan if he was really being that much of an asshole. The response that he was given proved as much. Most of the discussion was Rick asking Negan for confirmation, then it turned into something else. Negan detoured the conversation by asking how he'd been all these years. What more was there to say other than his son's mother was dead, his best friend was in shambles and now Carl's sister was motherless. He explained as much as he was capable of without breaking down.

 

  
Negan went back to discussing how he wasn't meaning to be so hard on Carl. How he was definitely a bit too pushy and needed to lay off on all the kids. And also how he actually was impressed with who Carl was.

 

  
Tension started rising again once Negan brought up their past relationship.

 

  
"I was a piece of shit back then and I was fucking scared of the baby situation too. Back then I didn't want kids, truth be told I didn't think I'd be around long enough to see your kid. Makes me sound like an asshole to say but I figured we'd have a little thing then you'd move on. Or I'd move on. Whichever came first for the situation. Sometimes I fucking kick myself about it."

 

 

"You should feel that way 'cause I trusted you. Then you went on and you just ruined it. I was lucky that I had Carl on the way and that Lori was supportive, even though we weren't together. Otherwise I don't know what I woulda done."

 

* * *

 

 

_Meeting someone in a bar was never something people raved on about. At least not in Rick's town. People usually met in their churches or in close circles. Then Rick went ahead and got involved with someone he met at a rundown bar. Negan was a bit older than him but not by a lot. They didn't remotely have similar personalities but somehow Negan's charisma and Rick's shyness worked._

 

  
_They slept with each other the night they first met, Rick did the adventurous thing by getting fucked in a restroom stall. Since the bar had been pretty slow that night no one walked in. Rick had braced himself against the wall while Negan pounded into him. Getting fucked like that was exhilarating because nothing even mattered. All that mattered was the sex, the rush and the pleasure. From there Rick came to see Negan as more than a fuck buddy. They weren't super open about their relationship because they weren't exactly living in a town where that was remotely accepted._

 

  
_Lori's pregnancy went by smoother than Rick really pictured it would. She had help from more than just him though. He was there for whatever she needed, whether it was the doctor's appointments or whatever else. People were always baffled that they weren't an item or even wanting to be. Lori somehow explained it well enough that after a while no one asked. Nor did they encourage them to consider. Their one night stand resulted in something life changing, that was it. Rick would be the father he always wanted and Lori would be the nurturing mother she was destined to be. Nothing less than that._

 

  
_As time breezed by Rick found himself in a relationship with Negan. Or at least it seemed like a relationship. They never really discussed what it was because labels made things complicated. But something told Rick that Negan was never really made for a relationship. Some red flags popped up during the fifth month then they saw each other less and less. Lori giving birth came around a lot faster considering and that's when it all changed. He was a father with more responsibilities now. They named the baby "Carl" and he got a hyphened last name. What Rick wanted was for Negan to be happy for him. Instead he got more standoffish after Lori gave birth._

 

  
_Rick got tired of dealing with Negan avoiding him so he went to see him eventually. He'd only been to Negan's place a few times. Usually they'd meet up at Rick's. When he showed up randomly, the door was unlocked for some reason. He ended up walking in on Negan laying naked with some dark haired woman. It looked like they were attempting to drift to sleep but Rick disrupted that.  
_

 

 

_Seeing how frazzled the woman was made Rick think she had no clue about him. More than likely Negan lied so he could get her to come home with her. Not that it surprised Rick that Negan lied like an asshole._

 

  
_A fight exploded where Rick was basically calling him a piece of shit over and over. The woman left rather quickly after that. Rick told Negan he didn't want to see him again, that he didn't have time for bullshit because he was a dad now._

 

  
_"We never made shit exclusive, what the fuck else did you expect me to do? Become step daddy to your kid?" Negan pulled a cigarette from the pack on the couch. "I never wanted that."_

 

  
_Rick's heart started to sink, "Why didn't you say that? Was it 'cause you wanted to keep sleepin' with me?"_

 

 

_The idea of Negan just using him this whole time, that it was just some on extended one night stand, and that was it. Rick pictured building his life with Negan, growing together, having him meet  Carl eventually. Maybe even getting Negan to meet his mother and other loved ones that were less judgemental._

 

_All of that was now out the damn window because clearly Negan didn't want that. Probably only wanted to screw him then find someone else to do the same to. Rick bit down on his lip hard to keep himself from crying.  If this was all he had to look forward to then he'd have to jump shit now. Even if it hurt as badly as it was hurting him now.  He told Negan to forget his number, to not call or try to get ahold of him. That he wasn't going to put up with being hurt like this._

 

_Negan didn't say anything else to him._

 

 

_No goodbyes were exchanged and Rick left the apartment without even looking back at Negan._

 

* * *

  
_  
_

 

"What you said to me." Rick closed his eyes since thinking about it was painful, even now. "Was like I didn't matter a damn lick to you. I know we weren't together for years and years or nothin' but I fell for you. Never told you how I felt either."

 

  
"I was just a scared piece of shit and I wanted you to hate me. So it would make it easier on myself. " Negan explained with sadness in his voice. He ran a hand through his salt and pepper beard.

 

  
"Do you think we coulda made it work? Be honest."

 

  
"Honestly? I don't fucking know. Who I was back then wasn't exactly relationship material for anyone. I was mostly a hit em and quit em. Until you came along and threw me for a fucking loop. The fact that we lasted as long as we did surprised the fuck outta me. Sure there were time periods where we didn't speak but it was a big deal still."

 

  
Rick found himself sitting in the chair on the other side of Negan's desk. "I can't believe I'm even askin' this but do you wanna get a drink?"

 

  
The question was ridiculous because they just reunited and it wasn't under good circumstances. But instead of laughing him out of the room, Negan told him that he'd like that a lot.

 

* * *

 

 

  
Going back to the bar that started it all felt overly nostalgic. Suddenly Rick was transported back to when he was more insecure, more unsure of himself in general. Now he was sitting in the same bar but just older.

 

  
It became ten minutes over the time that Negan was supposed to show. So just as Rick decided it was time to leave, Negan ended up showing up with a nervous smile on his face. The man sat down and called the server over to them. He explained he was just really nervous and almost didn't show up. That much was obvious to Rick but it was nice to be told anyways.

 

  
After ordering their drinks, they began speaking again but this time about their days. Rick told him that Carl would definitely be out of commission for a while until his arm healed. In which Negan understood and told him that he'd let the kid sit in his office to catch up on his homework.

 

  
Rick felt his palms beginning to sweat when Negan and him locked eyes. Those eyes still brought him weak in the knees like some teenager. Stupidly he brought Lucille up and it made Negan go still. Just when he thought he fucked things up, he was assured that it was okay to ask.

 

  
The server came by with their drinks and asked if they were looking to get anything on the menu. Rick shook his head but Negan ordered himself some onion rings and a cheeseburger with bacon.

 

  
"I'm fucking hungry. I got jack shit for food at home so I was planning to order in anyways."

 

  
"Sorry that I asked 'bout Lucille. I know it's really not the same but Lori dyin' has been hard on me. She was such a good mom to Carl and we never really had much drama over the years."

 

  
Negan looked tempted to reach across the table, "I'm sorry, Rick. I truly am."

 

  
"It's okay..we'll be okay eventually. Carl's so much stronger than I am and he has to be for his sister. Anyways, if you want can you tell me 'bout Lucille. What was your relationship like?" Rick brought his glass to his lips and took a minor sip.

 

  
"Our relationship was shit and for the most part we weren't good to each other. But she was all I had for years after you left me. Lucille was a lot of things for me, I did love you but we would have burned each other out. I stuck with her to the end though."

 

  
They swapped stories with each other for about two hours in the bar. Rick felt all the bitterness falling off just by speaking to Negan after all these years. And something unexpected happened, something Rick wasn't prepared for.

 

  
As they walked out of the bar together to call themselves cabs, Negan asked if he could see Rick again.

 

  
Rick thought about it for a second because it had been many years since they'd spoken. "Are you sure?"

 

  
"Why wouldn't I be sure?" Negan was a bit drunk and got closer to him. "I guess I've missed you more than I thought I could. It sounds stupid and maybe overly romantic but I never forgot you."

  
"Negan."

 

  
"Okay, I'll let you have the night to think about it. Come by the school tomorrow during lunch break and I'll be in my office. If you show up then great but if you don't then I'll understand."

 

  
Both of their cabs arrived and they went their separate ways for the evening. During the cab ride Rick kept fiddling around with his fingers, he didn't know what to do about this. One minute he was living his average life with his son and helping Shane raise Judith. And now he was having drinks with Negan who he thought he left behind ages ago.

 

  
Everything was messing with his head so sleeping on it would be best.

 

  
He got home and Carl was waiting for him at the kitchen table like some parent scolding their child.

 

  
"Where'd you go?" Carl quirked his eyebrow in a similar way that Rick did. "Were you on a date?"

 

  
"Alright, who's the parent here? I went out for a few drinks with someone. And it wasn't a date per se it was just catching up with someone."

 

  
"Whatever you say but I think you need to get out more anyways dad. You haven't been on a date in how long now? I know it didn't work out with Michonne."

 

  
"You should get to bed, it's late." Rick urged Carl to get up so they could head upstairs to their own rooms. "Since your arm is broken you won't have to do gym. You'll just take that time to catch up on homework. And don't say you don't have any."

 

  
"Fine." Carl groaned and left the kitchen table to go upstairs.

 

  
Rick poured himself a glass of water before heading up to his bedroom himself. When he got to his room he shut the door, stripped down to his briefs then got up on his bed to stare at the ceiling. Due to the drinks he was able to sleep the best he had in months. Tomorrow he'd deal with Negan.

 

* * *

 

  
After taking about twenty seconds trying to decide if he wanted to knock, he went inside Negan's office. The man was sitting there with his lunch and looked up at him with a smile.

 

  
"This time around I want you to be honest with me 'bout how you're feelin'. But you gotta know that Carl comes with the package." Rick didn't have a smile on his face or anything. He kept eye contact with Negan until Negan looked down at his hands.

 

  
"I'll do better this time, trust me. After Lucille died I kept wondering if I could get a second chance at anything really. Then you walk into my office all sassy and I guess I got my answer."

 

  
A soft smile erupted on Rick's face then he took his phone out so he could give Negan his number. Told him he was free later if he wanted to go for a drink later. And Negan responded back by saying he'd love to.

 

 


End file.
